All Around Me
by HeyParaVersaLeafScence
Summary: Song fic of the song "All Around Me" by Flyleaf. Revolves Astrid after Plague, do not read if you haven't read Plague, it contains spoilers. One-shot.


**Set after Plague, so may contain spoilers. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT READ PLAGUE!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gone or the song "All Around Me," Michael Grant and Flyleaf do. I wish I owned them though.**

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><p>"<em>My hands are searching for you<em>

_My arms are outstretched towards you."_

Astrid was alone. By herself. She had killed her own little brother. How could she? It should've all ended right then and there. But it didn't.

She sacrificed her own brother.

Poor Petey.

He was with God now, if there even was a God anymore.

"_I feel you on my fingertips  
>My tongue dances behind my lips for you<em>,"

Astrid felt different. She was a different person. She was a murderer. God wouldn't forgive her. But she was losing her own faith, so what did it matter if God forgave her? He didn't make up what was right and wrong.

She lost everything. She lost Sam. He was probably mad at her, probably disgusted by her. She was a murderer.

Murderer.

A simple act of murder.

Astrid shuddered. She wasn't going to forgave herself for what she had done.

"_This fire rising through my being  
>Burning I'm not used to seeing you,"<em>

She was angry at herself. She was frustrated at Petey and she killed him. Killed him. Murdered him. Now she was paying the consequence for murder.

Astrid couldn't go to Perdido beach, not after what she had done. Not after murdering Little Pete.

Throw him into the bugs then the wall would come down.

But no, it didn't work that way.

"_I'm alive, I'm alive,"_

Astrid was alive. Alive in the FAYZ. Little Pete was dead. Dead in the FAYZ. He was with God, if there was a God. If God existed in the FAYZ. God.

"_I can feel you all around me  
>Thickening the air I'm breathing<br>Holding on to what I'm feeling  
>Savoring this heart that's healing,"<em>

Astrid felt something around her. It was nothing, but almost as if something was touching her, wanting to say that everything was all right. Except nothing was all right.

Nothing ever was all right anymore. It would be all right if the FAYZ wall would've came down. She could tell her parents that it was okay and that Petey was in a better place. They believed in Heaven, even though Astrid was sure that there was no Heaven in the FAYZ. There was no God. And she wished she could be forgiven for what she did, but she couldn't be.

"_My hands float up above me  
>And you whisper you love me,"<em>

Astrid wanted to be with Sam, but he couldn't look at her the same way. He was probably mad at her for the same reasons she was mad at herself, and probably still from when he had kissed Taylor, even though he was intoxicated then.

But he was mad at her then, so he was probably mad at her now.

Astrid walked by the FAYZ wall. It was still there. Still there.

She punched it, wanting to make a dent. Trying to get rid of it. Wanting to get rid of it.

It was going to go anywhere.

"_And I begin to fade  
>Into our secret place,"<em>

Window seat. Her old house. Her old room. She missed it so much. She missed the old world so much. She missed her parents. Teachers, too, she missed. If only the wall would've came down…

If only…

If only…

"_The music makes me sway  
>The angels singing say we are alone with you<br>I am alone and they are too with you,"_

Astrid could almost hear a song playing. A song that she recognized. She almost knew the lyrics.

Angels. Devil. Demons. God. All were just myths, right? None of it was real, especially in the FAYZ. If God was real, He would've made her not kill Little Pete. He would've stopped her, wouldn't He?

"_I'm alive, I'm alive,"_

She was more dead than alive, even though she wasn't dead at all, but she mine as well be dead.

"_I can feel you all around me  
>Thickening the air I'm breathing<br>Holding on to what I'm feeling  
>Savoring this heart that's healing,"<em>

In her mind, Little Pete was still there. He was still there with her. He was with her. Always with her, like God used to be. He was with her, giving her pleading eyes as if to say, 'you didn't have to kill, so why did you?'

"I'm sorry Petey," she whispered, feeling tears fall down from her cheek. She was mixed with feelings.

"_So I cry  
>Holy<br>The light is white  
>Holy<br>And I see you,"_

Astrid was bursting with tears. She sat down by the wall. Wanting to hit again, wanting to demand why it didn't come down.

She looked in front of her. And saw a white light, like the ones that appear when you're dead and an angel comes and takes you into Heaven, except there wasn't an angel just a light. She knew it was her imagination, her mind playing a trick. She wasn't dead it was just there.

"_And I'm alive, I'm alive_

_We're alive,"_

Being alive wasn't worth it anymore. Not with the fact that Little Pete was dead, and that surely the Darkness, whose enemy was Little Pete would want her dead for killing Little Pete. It wanted Little Pete, just like Brittney had said.

She felt like she was better off dead. Maybe she was, but maybe she wasn't.

If God was real, He could save her, but He wasn't anymore, not now, at least. He could've stopped this. He could've.

But He didn't, so maybe there was never a God.

"_I can feel you all around me  
>Thickening the air I'm breathing<br>Holding on to what I'm feeling  
>Savoring this heart that's healing,"<em>

The light was gone. She was still in the FAYZ. She was still holding onto her emotions, they would all burst out at once.

Astrid could just imagine Little Pete next to her playing his video game, and she could also imagine Sam, giving her a nice kiss, being together again. She missed him. Oh god, how much she missed Sam. She loved him. She loved him with all her heart, but was he feeling the same way?

"_Take my hand  
>I give it to you<br>Now you own me  
>All I am<br>You said you would never leave me  
>I believe you<br>I believe,"_

Astrid did have little faith. God could be real, and maybe He forgave her, but even if she did, she wouldn't forgive her own self. She killed her own brother, how could she forgive herself for throwing him into those bugs?

How could anyone forgave her? She was a monster, she was becoming a monster.

She used to believe in forgiveness, used to. But she could forgive herself, and she never had forgiven Drake for what he did. They were both murderers in different ways.

"_I can feel you all around me  
>Thickening the air I'm breathing<br>Holding on to what I'm feeling  
>Savoring this heart that's healing,"<em>

Astrid shook her head and stood up. She looked back at the wall and turned away. She had other things that she should worry about, and God wasn't one of them. The FAYZ wall wasn't one of them. Forgiveness wasn't something she should worry about. She shouldn't worry about Sam. She shouldn't worry about Little Pete.

She should worry about survival. She would hold on emotions. Her heart may be in pain after what she did. God was around her, if he was there, and He would guide her to survival if He was real.

If He was.

But now she was only going to survive.

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><p>Thanks to anyone who read this. And I know the song is about God, so let me know what you think!<p> 


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